I’ve been exploring ego and why so many of us suffer pain over things we don’t really care about. I’m trying to understand the self-inflicted standards set by others that we willingly accept.
I always tell myself that just being the best person you can be with pure intent is more than good enough. If I can do that, I can’t expect anything more of myself. However, if I really take the time to explore this a bit more, I know that that’s not enough for me. It SHOULD be enough for me but it’s not. So why not?
I’ve arrived to the conclusion that it all comes down to validation. I can do good things all day but I struggle to be confident enough in myself for that be enough. I need others to recognise what I do in order to feel the impact. As I type this, I do feel some shame in this as it’s tough to admit that we need such support from others to find our worth. But I don’t feel as though I am alone.
In fact, I would argue that this is a sickness we all suffer from because it’s what we are taught from such a young age. From the very early ages of entering any type of school system our children are being held to a standard that someone else has made for them. The metrics and measurements are not of their own and what’s worse, we never get taught how to create our own standards. I know that some will argue that we need this base line. After all, progress is something that does need to be measured. I agree with that. I’ll hold my hands up and admit that understanding what we have mastered and what we need to improve on is an important part of growth itself.
What we don’t do is help children to understand that there is a difference between the work that they produce and the person that they are.
We grow up defining ourselves on the grades we get, the clothes we wear and getting our self-worth from our infatuation with where fit on societies scale of measurements.
And I think we are all aware of this to an extent. However, I don’t think I really knew how engrained this was until an exercise was put in front of me to measure my satisfaction with different areas of my life. Ignite provides us with some pretty awesome workshops and this one was delivered by Vix of The Practical Balance.
I’m starting to learn how to connect better with my values. I’m trying to brush away the shame I often feel when sharing my values to someone that does not hold the same or even similar ones. I will not allow myself to feel I am disappointing someone because I do not share their beliefs.
I’d also love to hear your own thoughts, perhaps a similar struggle. It gets better together.